Tea Party Cat
Rick Perry calls legislature into special session to legalize abuse of power.

George Zimmerman dejected after Missouri governor rejects his offer to patrol Ferguson after local police were relieved.

Ferguson Police made a good case this morning, more than enough for Fox News to try and convict Michael Brown of aggravated blackness.

Rick Perry: “Yes, I did threaten to veto funding to kill an investigation. But in my defense, I was abusing my power for a good cause.”

Rick Perry indicted for abuse of power over threat to veto prosecutors’ funding. Perry claims “smart glasses” absolve him of wrongdoing.

Ferguson Police Chief: “We haven’t had time to investigate the shooting. Detectives have been busy finding stuff to smear Mike Brown with.”

Ferguson Police Chief: “The officer who shot Michael Brown did not not know he was a robbery suspect, though he did know Brown was black.”

That sound isn’t the Air & Water show. That’s next week. That sound is the new F-16s the suburban police got from Homeland Security.

House GOP calls emergency session to investigate Ferguson

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaker John Boehner called members back to the Capitol today for an emergency session to “investigate the police response in Ferguson.”

“I have been disturbed by what I’ve been seeing on TV and online about the situation there,” the Speaker said. “It’s become obvious that there’s still racial profiling going on, and a lack of respect for the lives of young black men by the police.”

“I’m sure every parent of a teen doesn’t want to think that their child could be killed just for a wisecrack. We are pro-life, and so there is no place for taking the life of an unarmed man.”

House Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa issued a statement saying, “The militarization of the police is shocking. I thought they were the Army or National Guard when I saw them on TV, but apparently they are their own army now. And so I have to ask— what possible reason can a suburban police force in the middle of the country have for arming themselves like that?”

“I can’t help but think that this is Obama’s fault,” said Rep. Steve King. “White police racially profiling black teens? Obama’s half-white, remember, so he’s probably just covering for his white buddies.”

Budget Chair Paul Ryan told reporters that he was “concerned about all the money being spent to militarize police forces. Why are we borrowing to buy police weapons they clearly don’t need?”

Rep. Eric Cantor, former Majority Leader, told his staff that “I’ve decided to serve my term out and do all I can to help the Speaker right this injustice. My 7-figure lobbying job can wait until January when my replacement is sworn in. My country needs me, and that’s more important than money.”

Speaker Boehner concluded by saying that “I am postponing all other business until this is settled. These are US citizens who’ve been discriminated against, arrested, harassed, locked up, and even killed unjustly. I am canceling the Select Committee on Benghazi and shifting those resources to this problem. I expect the Committee to have several recommendations within the next few weeks, including updating the Civil Rights Act and Voting Rights Act. I just hope the President will cooperate and not play politics with this or fundraise off it.”

Ferguson police: “We had a report of a black teen stealing a few cigars and pushing someone. Mike Brown was black. So we HAD to kill him.”