Tea Party Cat
US economy grew 4.2% in 2nd quarter, thanks in no small part to all the people employed in Benghazi investigations.

Marco Rubio: “Look, man, immigration reform is hard, so rather than all these documents, I propose we just deport anyone darker than me.”

The GOP doesn’t discriminate based on gender— women are free to join in the oppression of women, minorities, and the poor along with the men.

Racism: Solved

With all that’s going on in Ferguson and around the country, I think it’s finally time for Republicans, even Bill O’Reilly, to admit that racism is not dead in this country.

Yes, we conservatives can do that. Now I’m not saying we have to admit that we’re racists, or that our policies have racist consequences. Far from it. I’m saying we can admit that racism still exists, despite 50 years of liberals trying to solve it, and bask in their failure.

And then we can embrace my solution for solving racism in all its forms, once and for all.

Impossible, you say? Far from it. In fact it’s so simple that I’m disappointed no one else has suggested it.

The solution to racism in America is that we decree that all Americans are white. Now some may still have darker skin than others, but for legal purposes, they will be white.

And then there will be no more racism.

Because then if a policeman pulls over a man with dark skin, legally that man is white, so it’s not racial profiling.

And if a judge sentences a teen with dark skin to one year in prison for smoking a joint only a day after letting another teen go free for the same crime, legally both teens are white, so the judge isn’t being racist.

And if a bank denies a loan to a man with a 700 credit score who has dark skin while approving a loan to a man with a 650 score, that won’t be racist, because both men are legally white.

And if the owner of a lunch counter doesn’t want to serve people who have darker skin, then it won’t be racist because legally those people are white.

And if an employer gives a job to a man named Brad with a BA and 2 years experience over a man named Jamal with an MBA and 10 years experience, that’s not racial discrimination, because both men are legally white.

And if a real estate agent refuses to show houses in Crestwood to a couple with darker skin, that won’t be housing discrimination because legally the couple is white.

And if a store owner follows around a boy with dark skin while a boy with lighter skin shoplifts unmolested, that won’t be racist because both boys are legally white.

And if a father shoots the man his daughter is dating because he has darker skin than she does, it’s not a hate crime because the man was legally white.

And if the police in Beverly Hills stop a producer and throw him in jail for “fitting the description” of a man with dark skin who robbed a bank, even though he was in town for the Emmys and was feeding the parking meter, that won’t be racist because the man is legally white.

By declaring everyone legally white, nothing has to change. Nothing. It won’t cost us anything or require that we act or talk or think any differently. And yet suddenly nothing will be racist.

And we’ll never have to have another conversation about race. And the Supreme Court will finally be able to invalidate every law intended to stop racism or redress its wrongs. And of course we won’t ever have to hear another word about reparations or affirmative action again, because everyone will be legally white so there would be no one to pay.

And the best part is that Rush Limbaugh and everyone else in talk radio will finally be able to use the N-word, the pleasure of which has been denied to them lo these past 50 years, because it won’t be racist to do so, because everyone will be white, and there will be no one to take offense.

And while some may find fault with this solution to America’s ongoing problem with racism, I think we can all agree it’s better than anything that’s been offered up by any other conservative.

Marco Rubio: “If elected president, I will repeal the amnesty law of 1986 and deport all effected immigrants and their descendants.”


Marco Rubio wows South Carolina crowd with his flip-flop on immigration reform: http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/political-animal-a/2014_08/marco_rubio_leader_of_the_pack051849.php


Dick Cheney: “How can Obama say ‘We don’t have a strategy yet’ for ISIS? What about my strategy of assuming we’ll be greeted as liberators?”

Louie Gohmert: “Look, I’m pretty sure the Constitution states that presidents can’t wear tan suits, so we HAVE TO impeach Obama.”

BREAKING: Russia invades Ukraine after Obama showed weakness by wearing a tan suit.

Bill Kristol: “Let’s drop some bombs on Iraq and see what happens. I don’t see how it could go wrong. Collateral damage is a liberal myth.”